Forgiving

At church this morning, Jeff's talk got me thinking - and wanting to blog. We are winding down a series at church on the book The Shack; and this mornings topic was on forgiveness and how important it is.

A couple years ago, I was going to a christian counselor to work through some things in my life. It was more a discipleship program, for lack of better words, than anything else. One of the first things we did, was to spend several weeks on forgiveness, the concept, how important it is, and then an excersize where I forgave people in my life I needed to forgive. I spent an entire week praying and asking God to reveal to me anyone in my life, currently or in the past, who had hurt me, intentional or not, that I needed to forgive. It didn't matter how petty it seemed, if I felt I needed to forgive them, I wrote their name down.

Then at our meeting that week, I sat in a chair, and across from me was an empty chair. I took my list, and one by one, pretended the person I was forgiving was in that chair, and I talked to them. Outloud. I told them what they had done to hurt, me, then told them that I forgave them, verbally. For some, there wasn't a lot of emotion, and for others, I could barely get the words out. I also had to forgive myself, and God. I know, God has never actually done anything against me, but being human, we often get angry at God and feel he has hurt us, or we just don't understand what's going on.

Forgiveness is a decision. I still do this activity, slightly modified, from time to time. Sometimes I don't feel like forgiving someone, it is more comfortable to hang onto that hurt and anger. But as a Christian, I am told to forgive. It really isn't an option in my opinion. Like Jeff said, I don't always forget, and sometimes there is still a lot of pain even after I forgive that person. However, somehow, the simple act of deciding to forgive, and speaking the forgiveness, makes the pain slowly begin to subside. It starts the healing process.

On another topic - at Threshold, we feel God has called our church to double in size by this coming Easter. To really reach out to the community and touch peoples lives. Part of this is a challenge by Jeff (our pastor) to pray for one person in our lives, for an opportunity to talk take our relationship to a deeper level, and eventually invite them to visit our church. Jeff is also praying for that person along with us.

This reminded me of something today.

When I was in high school; I didn't make the best decisions, and, well, we'll say I ran with the wrong crowd. Typical bad high school stuff, but details aren't needed. I grew up in church, but just wasn't really living right. I had a friend, Thurston, who I hung around with a lot, but he wasn't into the same stuff I was. He was into the "straight edge" scene. Well, we both ended up going to App. State; and halfway through my first semester, a girl I grew up at church with finally talked me into going to inter-varsity. I was tired of all the partying, and really ready for a change. I was just ready. So I went, and I actually ended up re-connecting with quite a few people I went to high school with. Thurston was one of those. I got really involved with inter-varsity, and it made a huge change in my life. I took a total 180 degree turn. Thurston and I were in a small group together, and one night, he said he wanted to talk to me. He told me he had been praying for me for several years. And that to see how much I had changed and who I was now meant the world to him. I still get emotional about it.

The fact that one person cared enough about me to pray for me for several years, and was able to see a dramatic change in my life, is still amazing to me. It is something I will never forget.

The whole point of that story is if you are praying for one person, don't give up. Continue to pray for them, and one day, maybe a few years later, you may be able to see that person change their life. It is so worth it. You don't have to tell them you were praying for them, but if you do, it could make their year.

Jeff and I are praying for a friend of mine. I have a hard time getting to know people, I'm kind of an introvert. I get really scared and nervous talking to people I don't really know, and even reconnecting with people I haven't seen in years. I'm working on it though.
Well this week I came out of my cave and spent some time with this person we are praying for. One small step, but proof enough for me of the power of prayer, and that I really can do anything.
So maybe one day, I'll be able to see a change in her life, and tell her that I've been praying for her. Hopefully it won't be years though.

Who do you need to forgive? and who are you praying for?

What a crazy month

Boy, has this been a crazy month. Or at least it seems that way.
Joe's been working a lot, which means I've been doing 90% parenting... it is very tiring.
However, Christian is at a really fun phase, where he is figuring out crawling and starting to pull himself up. It is all very clumsy still, but it is still lots of fun to watch.
Things are really going to change around here when he does get mobile. I'll have to watch him every second - he is going to be a climber I think. He already tries to climb on me all the time!
It is so much fun to listen to the noises he makes, watch his curiosity, and just watch him in general.

I'm reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover right now, and we are getting ready to start the baby steps. The hardest part really is changing your habits. It is true, we know all the things you are "supposed" to do with money, but the hardest thing is to not get your wants when you want them. It takes so much self control; we are really going to have to look at the end goal and work our butts off to get there.

This political season is just crazy as well. I was very disappointed for a while that John McCain was the rep. nominee, and am still not thrilled with the prospect, but he is growing on me; and I really like Sarah Palin, like so many other conservatives. She has so much to offer, and I think the Washington scene could really use some basic common sense. There isn't really anything "special" about her, other than the fact that she is pretty much a normal everyday person, with a good head on her shoulders who isn't afraid to work hard and get her hands dirty. She has common sense, and I think she would actually make an excellent President one day. There is such a stark difference between her and Hilary. Palin is warm, inviting, and seems like a "real woman" - she is feminine, successful, and has goals and ambitions. Clinton is cold, doesn't really seem happy to be a woman, is more manly than feminine, and is just ruthless and ambitious. Palin invokes trust and unites conservatives. Clinton divides and creates distrust.
It is also quite funny the way she is driving the liberals totally crazy. I'm amazed at how hateful some people can be, all towards someone they don't even know. I'm not surprised, but it is disturbing none the less.

I'm looking forward to the new tv season... namely a show called "Legend of the Seeker" that is starting in November. It is based on a series of books I loved...
With that... I'm off to take care of the more domestic things in life.

Life and Locomotion

I have been so amazed recently at God and the miracle of life. I find it hard to believe that anyone can have a baby, bring life into this world, and not believe in God.

Watching Christian everyday, as he learns and discovers new things is so amazing.
Almost every morning, we go outside and sit on our swing, and wait for the hummingbirds to come to the feeder; Christian loves to watch them. He also loves to feel the breeze - it is so cute how excited he gets just to feel a breeze. Seeing life through a child's eyes is such a gift, I truly hope I never lose it.

So what is my little munchkin up to these days? Figuring out how to crawl. Today he scooted a little ways for the first time. He's growing independent so fast! Before I know it he is going to be crawling then walking around here, talking away (with words I can understand!) I'm just trying so hard to savor each and every moment I have with him, and not stress the small stuff.

I realized today, I think the one of the more important parts of being a parent is providing a safe, loving environment for your kids to learn and explore in, and giving them the freedom to do just that. Providing the save loving environment is the easy part of that. Giving him the freedom to learn and explore is sometimes quite hard. And right now, it's just the freedom to master the art of rolling over and crawling. It's hard, b/c I know that in the learning process he's gonna bump his head, fall over, and get some cuts and scrapes, but he has to go through that process to really figure out how to get around on his own. And in the big picture, this is the easy part. Later on will be things like riding a bike and sending him off to college.

I've been learning so much about myself just by being around Christian everyday, and I really, really love being a mom.

To blog or not to blog

So I'm going to start blogging. I've thought about it for quite a while now, and since Christian was born, and it now sleeping better and I have some time to do it - I think I'll start. I just makes, sense, I have so much to share with friends and family about all the new things Christian is exploring, plus all the new things I'm learning - about being a mom, home schooling, life in general. And since I'm sometimes lacking in adult interaction, this is a good outlet for me!

Christian is now 6 months old. It is so wild to think that just a year ago I was only about 12 weeks pregnant; 6 months ago Christian had just been born, and couldn't even hold his head up or see very clearly. Now, he is quite strong, and has a very strong opinion about what he is going to do and when. He can sit up, has increasingly great vision, can move around in his walker to get where he wants to go, is trying to crawl, the list of things he can do goes on and on.
He babbles away in his own little baby talk; I have no idea what he is talking about, but it seems important to him!
He has his first tooth, so no more teething on mom and dad's fingers!

Being a mom has been so much more rewarding that I could have ever imagined. To be such an integral part of the miracle of life - to watch it grow, to watch how Christian learns and develops, God is amazing, and to think that anyone can watch a baby grow and develop and not see God in every bit of is astounding to me.

It's late and that is all I can think of for now...